Cursed
by GroundZeroFirework
Summary: NozoEli Reincarnation AU. Eli has lived countless lives and remembers all of them. And in all those lives, she was never able to be with the woman she swore that she would love until the end of her days because of a curse. Maybe...just maybe...this time, things would be different...
1. Prologue: Cursed

**AN: Hello and welcome, you magnificent bastards! Welcome to this first multi-chapter NozoEli fic of mine. So…I'm not really sure how long this one is going to take…hopefully 5 chapters minimum, 10 chapter max. Anyways, I hope you guys like this. I will be writing this in tandem with my Strawberry Panic fic and my Tales of Xillia fic. As always, I have a rule; if after two chapters and all I get are negative reviews, I will delete this story since there will be no point in keeping this in the archive. Positive or no reviews, however, will make this story stay in the archives.**

 **Anyway, that's all I have to say for now, so let's get this story going!**

* * *

 **PROLOGUE:**

 **CURSED**

* * *

 _Year 18XX_

* * *

 _It was a dark and stormy night in the countryside and a blonde woman jumped off her horse and ran inside the manor a few miles away from the village itself. She had just received word that her love recently passed away._

 _"Your betrothed poisoned herself, milady. Mere hours after she learned of your infidelity."_

 _Those were the words that the messenger said and she prayed that he was lying._

 _'Please be alright.' The blonde thought in her head as she ran. Once she arrived at the foyer of the home, she was met with her love's parents and sister as well as her own family. She saw their furious faces and disappointment from her own mother. Her father approached her and slapped her in the cheek._

 _"You disappoint me. Is this how we raised you? To be unfaithful to the person who loves you? To the woman you claimed to love and was promised to you?" Her father asked her, not bothering to hide his fury. Before he could say anything else, she ran upstairs to the room her betrothed slept in every night. She entered the room and at that moment, all she wanted was for her heart to stop beating as well. The blonde approached the bed as she took in her beloved's state; her silky purple hair was untied and was spread on the bed behind her, her wide gaze was directed towards the window where the moon can usually be seen in all its glory. On the nightstand was a spilled cup of tea; no doubt where the poison that took her life came from. She was wearing the dress she gave to her as a present; the dress she was meant to wear at their engagement party. A party that was to be held a week from now. But instead of a party and a wedding, they would be preparing for a funeral. Instead of joy, they would be met with tears. They were supposed to be married in the next month. She fell to her knees as everything finally sunk in; her love was gone, beautiful in death as she was in life._

 _She would never hear her teasing voice again._

 _She would never hear her say that she loves her._

 _They will never be together in this life._

 _The blonde could do nothing but hold the corpse in her arms as she cried._

 _"Oh my love! I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. It's all my fault. This is all my fault." She said as she continued to cradle the body of the dead woman. If only she stayed faithful; if only she never slept with that woman again and again, then maybe she wouldn't have felt hurt enough to take her own life to end her pain._

 _"Now you cry? Now you realize your mistakes? When my sister is dead and we have to put her on the ground?" A voice asked her. The blonde turned around, unwilling to let her love go and saw her betrothed's sister; a somewhat tall woman with navy blue hair and amber eyes. The polite yet cautious expression she usually has on her face was morphed into one of hatred._

 _"My sister gave her entire being to you and all she asked in return was your love and fidelity! You killed my sister! It should be you! You're the one who should be dead! But since that didn't happen, I pray to every god out there that in every life you live, you will remember this life and what you did to my sister! I pray that in every life you live, you will meet her and you will love her as much as you do now but she will never remember you or the love she felt for you and you will have very little chance of ever being together with her and she will have a higher chance of being happy with someone else! All that just so you can feel the pain my sister felt before her death in every life you live! I want you to live and die again and again and again with the knowledge that you don't deserve to be my sister's slave, let alone her lord!"_

 _Having said her piece, the blue haired woman stalked off, leaving the blonde there with her regrets and a dead woman._

* * *

 _Hours passed and the blonde was finally in her own room, the corpse of her betrothed having been taken away from her without even giving her a chance to kiss her goodbye and declare her love for her for the last time. She raised her gaze from the floor and her eyes landed on the mirror in front of her. And at that moment, all she saw was the monster who took the woman she loved the most away from her. Picking up a thick book from her bedside, she threw it at the mirror, causing cracks in its surface. She picked up everything she could get her hands on and threw it at the object._

 _"Give her back! Give her back to me! I want her back…please…"_

 _By the end of it all, she was just punching a destroyed mirror, causing wounds to her hands before collapsing on her knees. Her tears have finally run dry and she barely had any energy left. But then, she realized the only solution to her predicament. She stood up and left her room, going to the storage space of the manor to grab a rope and a stool. The blonde walked to the rear garden on of the manor and hesitated when she saw it; the huge tree where she and her betrothed spent time, getting to know each other when they first met. It was under this tree did she realize that she would love the purple haired woman until the end of her days and beyond. And her end was coming very soon. She would make certain of that. The blonde set the stool down and fashioned the rope into a noose before tying it around her neck. Before continuing, the blonde said a small prayer to whatever divine being was listening out there._

 _"Please…if I am to suffer in every life I will live…please grant me one small mercy…please…even if it's just one life in the countless that I will live…please let me be with her until the end of my days in just one life…please give me the chance to right the wrongs I've done."_

 _With her prayer said, she kicked the stool away and felt the life slowly leave her as she hung from the tree._

* * *

 **AN: And that is our prologue for this story. Please don't expect me to update all the time since I do have two more fics to work on. I hope you guys liked this and will continue to read this as this story goes on! Thank you and I pray you guys enjoyed.**

 **Firework out!**


	2. Chapter 1: We Meet Again

**AN: Hello, you magnificent bastards and welcome to the 2** **nd** **chapter of Cursed. To be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to fix the flow of this story so as of the moment I am winging everything. The only thing I am certain of is that this will be a short fic. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thanks for the reviews and favorites that were sent in the previous one. I hope you guys continue to support this story.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER I:**

 **WE MEET AGAIN**

* * *

 _Many years passed since that night and the woman who was driven to suicide lived many a lifetime. She lived in different countries under different names and faces and lived a colorful life in between. However, it seems like her love's sister's curse came true; for in every life she lived, it was unavoidable that she would meet a reincarnation of her beloved. And every time they met, she would remember every life she lived and the loved they shared. But alas, her beloved never remembered her so she would have to work as hard as she can to get her to fall in love with her again. However, every time she came so close to accomplishing her goal, something would happen that would end her love's life and she would have to endure the pain of losing her all over again. After she lost her love the fourth time around, she swore that she would stay away from her in the next life. She would rather love her from afar and see her live with someone else than love her yet again and watch her die an early death…_

 _Which would bring us to today…_

* * *

The streets of Japan were somewhat quiet as a blonde, blue eyed girl in a blue uniform walked amongst several other students towards a staircase leading to her new school. She had already seen her sister off to the middle school she was attending and now it was her turn to go to her own. Finally, she stood at the gates and saw the building. Her grandmother and mother had walked through these gates, traversed its hallowed halls and prepared for higher education here. Now it was her turn and soon, it would be her sister's. That is…if the school stays open long enough. Since they found out the school that was close to her grandmother's heart could possibly be closing soon enough, she immediately jumped at the chance to enroll there and try to save it. Taking a deep breath, she past the gates, ignoring the stares of the other students who were probably wondering what was a girl of obviously mixed heritage doing in a school that was doomed. She took in her surroundings and looked around.

And that's when she saw her…

A busty, young lady with long purple hair tied into twin tails and vibrant green eyes stopped in front of the entrance to retrieve some notes that another student borrowed from her. She smiled an angelic, yet lonely smile at the girl before waving and walking into the building, not even sparing the blonde a glance. And suddenly, everything came rushing back to her; from their first life to the last one they lived before the present moment. Everything came back to her; how she lived quiet a peaceful life before meeting her, the love she felt for her returning every time her gaze lands on her, how she tried her best to win her back, how painful it was every time she realized that her love didn't remember any of the lives they lived prior to that one and the heart wrenching, mind numbing pain she felt every time her love died before her time. Before they could have that happy, apple pie life she's yearned for since their first incarnation. It all came rushing back to her like a bullet to her head that always left her with a painful migraine. Suddenly, her normal mood fouled and she mustered the best glare she could, hoping that when the girl saw her, it would prevent her from ever associating with her.

'It's for the best. It's for her own good. It's for her safety.' She thought to herself as she climbed the staircase towards her new classroom; the details of which have been sent to her prior to her arrival in the country. She entered and immediately took the empty seat on the second column, catching a glimpse of the purple haired beauty giving their classmate a reading. She sat down and waited for the bell to ring and for their homeroom adviser to walk in, sneaking glances the purple haired girl every once in a while.

"Everyone, before we start off, we have a new transfer student with us. Ayase-san, please introduce yourself."

Immediately, she stood up and glanced around the room as she did what she was told to do.

"It's nice to meet everyone. My name is Ayase Eli. Let's get along." The blonde said in a stern manner, no doubt having intimidated most, if not all, of the class already. Eli can feel the stares of everyone around her and she silently hoped that her love was staring at her too. But she immediately shook her mind free of the thought; the fact that she never remembered Eli or never noticed her first was needed to make her plan work this time around. She would use that to her advantage. Come hell or high water, Eli would make sure that her love would finally get to live the life she deserved this time around…even if that life doesn't include her…

* * *

Their classes started and ended and in between breaks, students hounded Eli in an attempt to know her or get her to join their clubs. But she snubbed them all and walked away from them; partly because of her foul mood, partly because she had no idea how to deal with them. Eventually, the day ended and it was time to go home. As she was walking down the stairs, however, a single voice made her stop in her tracks.

"A-Ano…"

Eli immediately turned around and saw the purple haired girl from before, standing at the landing of the staircase with a nervous expression on her face. It confused her; her love was never the first to approach. It was always Eli who approached her first in their previous lives. Regardless, it took Eli everything she had to prevent herself from running up and wrapping her arms around her frame and declaring her love for the woman before her. But she did. Not only would she save herself from looking like a fool but Eli thought that if she thought her callous now, then…maybe she would stay away from her completely.

"And you are?" She asked in that cold tone she used on everyone so far. Eli saw the hesitance in the girl's eyes and she found herself conflicted all of a sudden; her heart was trying to call out to the girl before her, asking her not to hesitate and give up on her but the rational side of her racked Eli's brain to get her to push her love away for her own safety.

"I-I'm…" The purple haired girl tried to say. Eventually, she straightened herself up and gave Eli a smile. A smile that Eli has always sought to protect but failed time and time again.

"My name is Toujou Nozomi!" She said with that bright, yet lonely smile of hers.

That day, Eli found it extremely odd that Nozomi was the first to approach her but it somehow gave her hope. Hope that maybe the curse on her was starting to lose its hold. Hope that maybe things would work out for them this time around. Hope that they would finally get their happy ending after countless lifetimes of failing.

Despite all logic and reason, Eli followed her heart and hoped.

* * *

 **AN: And that is it for this chapter. I'm sorry if it's not what you expected but like I said, I'm just winging everything for now. I promise to get everything somewhat straightened out by the next chapter but I still hope that this chapter was to your liking. For those who didn't catch on, this chapter took place in their first year. I hope you guys enjoyed this and please leave your reviews and favorites at the shiny boxes down below.**

 **Firework out!**


	3. Chapter 2: Shatter Me

**AN: Hello everybody! This is GroundZeroFirework with the latest chapter of "Cursed". I know a lot of y'all were waiting on me to update again and...WOW! GODDAMN! I didn't realize it's been that long since I last updated (Sept. 24, 2016); Christmas passed, New Year's passed, hell...even Valentine's day has already come to pass and still no update from me. I apologize for that but I was unfortunately struggling with my studies and I was also trying to decide if I was going to turn this into a complete AU where μ's was never formed and the nine girls only became friends through circumstances. Ultimately, I've decided on attempting to keep it canon compliant, therefore μ's does exist in this fic. Keep in mind that this chapter starts after they have allegedly performed their duets and occurs during Season 2, before "Snow Halation". Unfortunately, I will have to stick to my plan of keeping this a short story as I don't really have that long of a storyline for this one. Okay, enough with this AN. Let's get to why you guys are really here. Now, without further ado, let's begin, the second chapter of "Cursed". Hope y'all enjoy.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER II:**

 **SHATTER ME**

* * *

Another day. Another day full of activities and schoolwork. If one were to play their cards right, each day would be fun. Play your cards wrong and it could be very stressful and depressing. Make the best out of a bad hand and a stressful day could turn into a fun one...

And Ayase Eli felt that her day was going to be both.

Stressful because...well...it's a school day; who doesn't get stressed on a school day? Homework, lessons, student council paperwork that Honoka would no doubt forget and they would have to cover for her again.

But it'll probably be fun as well, seeing as how today would be another round of μ's practice; her friends (or as how some people like to tease them online; her children) from μ's were one of the few bright spots in her life. The brightest spot is her best friend, Nozomi.

Nozomi. Her dear sweet Non-tan. Her true love. Her soulmate. The person who understood her better than she understood herself sometimes. The person she's lost too many times. After their run in, Eli couldn't find it in herself to push her love away anymore. Sure, she acted cold to her for the first few months in an effort to keep her safe from the doom that would no doubt be brought upon her but eventually, Nozomi won her over. They grew closer in the course of three years. Eli wanted to confess everything to her; their past lives, the love they shared, everything. But as experiences in her past lives taught her, every time she got close to getting Nozomi to love her in return or even confess her feelings for her, she would die...and Eli would got through the pain of losing her all over again. Which is why Eli vowed to herself that if she can't distance herself from Nozomi...she would have to make do with walking away when Nozomi is about to reciprocate her feelings. It would no doubt be a painful decision to make but...if it meant keeping Nozomi alive and well, she would bear the burden, take the pain and then, her sacrifice would be worth it.

"Onee-chan, let's go! We're gonna be late!" A familiar voice informed her. Eli walked out of her room and greeted her little sister, Arisa, with a cheerful smile.

"Are you ready?" She asked the girl. The younger Ayase nodded immediately.

The pair left their home and started their walk to school. Arisa met her best friend, Yukiho, halfway to school and they left together, leaving Eli to walk by herself. Eventually, she arrived at Otonokizaka and smiled widely upon seeing a familiar face. She hastened her approached and called for her.

"Nozomi. Good morning." She greeted her. Nozomi smiled when their gazes met.

"Ah, Elicchi...good morning."

"How are you? Ready to go?" Eli asked her, to which the purple haired girl cheerfully nodded. Thus, the pair started their walk to the student council room in order to work on some documents before class started. Eli found herself turning her gaze towards her partner every so often and eventually, her ears picked up on the fact that she was humming a familiar tune; Garden of Glass. The duet that they sang in one of their performances. Their duet was one of those moments Eli knew that she would cherish. After all, she didn't know when Nozomi would be taken from her again. Or when she would have to walk away from her. So she decided to make the best of everything and make every moment count. Out of nowhere, she felt something poke her cheek, bringing her out of her stupor and making her realize that (much to her horror) she's been staring at Nozomi the entire time.

"Spacin' out again, Elicchi? That ain't like ya at all." She teased her with a mischievous smile. Eli found herself unable to speak. Thankfully, Nozomi merely chuckled at her before continuing to tease her.

"If I didn't know, any better, I'd say you're in love with me, judging from the way you were staring."

'If only you knew, my dear Nozomi.' The blonde thought to herself. Eli pouted at her so as to mask the pain she was feeling.

"Mou...Nozomi, quit teasing me." She complained. The purple haired girl giggled before poking her cheek yet again.

"Sorry, Elicchi." She said with a bright cheerful smile. The pair returned to their work and Nozomi started humming once more. This time, however, Eli couldn't help but sing along...

 _"Futari kiri no Hanazono de nemuri ni tsuku..."_

Nozomi heard her singing along and decided to follow up on the lyrics but not before holding out her hand towards the blonde student council president.

 _"Kami o naderu sono te ga suki motto..."_

Without hesitation, Eli took that hand and sang as they both stood up. The pair continued to softly sing the song until the end as they somewhat danced a waltz with the limited space they had in the council room, their faces inching closer and closer to one another.

 _"Yume no meiro...yuri no meiro..."_

The rational part of Eli's brain yelled at her to stop. Pull back. Remember what she was supposed to do; how she was supposed to keep Nozomi alive. But most of Eli's brain was pushing her to go through with it. And she would be lying if she said she didn't want to. She's craved for Nozomi's kiss for a long time. For three lifetimes, Eli has been deprived of the pleasure of feeling her love's lips pressed against hers. But just as she was about to have one of her fondest wishes granted, the bell rang, prompting them to separate from one another all of a sudden and for Eli to come back to her senses.

"I...we should...we should head to class." Eli said as she hurriedly gathered her things. Before Nozomi could even say anything, Eli walked out of the room as fast as she can and headed for their classroom, oblivious to the sad and longing stare that Nozomi gave her.

Once Eli arrived in the room where there class was being held, the blonde immediately slumped in her seat and buried her face in her arms.

 _"Don't be stupid, Ayase. You can't let her fall in love with you. It's for her own good. It's for her own good. It's for her own good..."_

That was the mantra that Eli kept repeating in her head as much as she can the entire time classes were happening.

* * *

Once classes were over, the pair found themselves at the Idol Research Club's room. In between classes, Eli did her best to avoid Nozomi without raising suspicion from her. The blonde immediately saw her juniors and their fellow third year, Nico, having snacks. Eli smiled at them as they entered and sat next to them, patiently listening to the fun conversations they were having.

See, the funny thing here was, her juniors was another bone that her curse from way back when was throwing at her. This time, fate has made sure that she would be reminded of her first life. After all, she's met them all in her first incarnation and they were barely different from their first lives too...

Honoka was still as bubbly and cheerful and once again the daughter of two bakers while Hanayo was still as shy and sweet as she was back then.

Maki...cold, aloof and piano-playing Maki...her soul still yearns for Nico, the girl she loved in her first life. However, an arranged marriage back then forced Maki to cease contact with the short, twin tailed girl. The last Eli knew of them before her first death was that they eventually returned to being strangers to one another. As if they never knew each other at all. Nico, who wants to be an idol now, was a popular songstress in their first life.

Rin was one of Nozomi's sisters, who was arranged to marry Hanayo in their first lives. Kotori was Umi's fiancee in her first life and a well known and highly sought after seamstress. And Umi...

Ah, yes...Umi. When Eli's path crossed with hers, she wanted nothing more than to clock her in the face for making her suffer like this. For placing that curse on her that prevented her from being with Nozomi. Every night since finding Nozomi again, she was haunted by the last words Umi ever spoke to her in their first life.

 _"You don't deserve to be my sister's slave, let alone her lord!"_

She hated those words. It served as a reminder that she didn't deserve someone as pure and loving as Nozomi. But for once, Eli didn't listen to herself and eventually, Eli got to know Umi better. For starters, she still loves Kotori as much as she did in her first life, but finds herself unable to say it to her. The second was that Umi is still as fiercely loyal and protective of her friends as she was back then. And finally, she was just a sweet, innocent girl now, who has no idea what her previous self has done. And it made the blonde realize that she had no one to blame but herself as to why she couldn't be with Nozomi. After all, back then, Umi was just a young woman, angry and grieving at her sister's death. How could she have known her words would have lasting consequences?

Nico, on the other hand, noticed how uncharacteristically distant the pair are to one another. In her book, that was an oddity, considering that they seem to be attached to the hip. Nozomi sat next to Maki while Eli stood beside Umi. There was an open seat next to Nozomi, so why wouldn't Eli jump at the chance to sit next to her? Usually, she would be all over her and subtly hogging her all to herself. To be honest, for all the years she's been acquainted with them, Nico was sick and tired of seeing them skirt around their feelings for one another. At this point, it was safe to say that they were more than friends but less than lovers seeing as how they both seem to be too afraid to act on their feelings. Another thing that tipped Nico off was how silent Nozomi was being. Usually, she would contribute to the current discussion, egg the others on with their bad habits, among other things. But now...she was quiet and simply smiled as she listened to their juniors' discussion. A smile that Nico soon learned to realize was the fake one she's been using all these years. Before she could stop herself or back out, she spoke up.

"So, what's wrong with the two of you?" She asked them, bringing their juniors' attention to the three of them.

"Huh? What do you mean, Nico-chan?" Eli asked, a bit put off at how serious Nico was being right now but also a bit nervous at the prospect that she may have realized that she was indeed trying to avoid Nozomi.

"Cut the crap, Ayase. Usually, you'd be sitting beside Monster Tits here if you're not hogging her all to yourself."

"What are you getting at, you little imp?" Maki asked her, thinking that Nico was simply stirring up trouble or that there's going to be a really bad punchline to where she was going with this.

"Quiet, you tomato loving tsundere." Nico spoke to her without even looking her way before continuing her tirade. "I mean, you're acting dodgy and distant while Nozomi is faking smiles left and right at every stupid, not funny thing Honoka says. So, spill. What's going on between you two?"

It took every iota of Eli's willpower to not lash out at Nico for butting in on her business. Instead, she took a deep breath and answered, hoping to defuse the situation upon seeing how frightened Hanayo and Rin were getting while Kotori, Umi and Honoka were looking on in worry.

"Nothing is going on, Nico."

The shorter girl scoffed in response.

"Nothing. Please. What? Did your precious Non-tan here reject you or something? I mean, it's pretty easy to see that you're in love with her, aren't you!"

For 30 seconds, the entire clubroom was silent, waiting on what Eli's answer would be. Nico certainly hoped that it would get them to admit their feelings for one another. Can she really deny it when the person she's in love with is just a few inches away from her? Nico hoped not. However, not everyone always gets what they hope for.

"No...I'm not in love with her. I have to go. I forgot Arisa needs my help with something tonight." She said before she bolted out of there with her things. They were all a bit put off by how serious Eli looked and sounded. Was that really how she felt about Nozomi? To be honest, after liking Eli since the time they she first saw her, Nozomi was immensely hurt by her answer.

Yet, why did it sound like Eli was trying to convince herself instead of the others?

* * *

That evening, Eli was lying on her bed, repeating today's events in her head like a broken record. She really was NOT expecting Nico to start grilling her like that all of a sudden and in front of Nozomi and the others, no less. It hurt to have to deny her love for Nozomi the way she did but she was already tempting fate with how close she and Nozomi were. She didn't want to wake up the next morning after declaring her love, only to hear that her Non-tan was taken away from her again. It's why she made up that excuse of Arisa needing her help; so that Eli didn't need to see that heartbroken look in her features. It was a cowardly move, she knows. But she would rather be labeled a coward than see her die another time. She stood up and left her room, seeing Arisa and Yukiho sitting underneath the kotatsu, doing their homework and watching TV at the same time.

"Arisa, I'm going to take a walk. Be good, alright?" She reminded the girl as she put her shoes on. The two middle school students nodded in response and the blonde walked out of the apartment as she put her coat and her scarf on. The nights were becoming colder than usual since it was nearing winter so no surprise there. Cold nights such as these would often remind Eli of her first life; specifically, the very first time she said 'I love you' to Nozomi. She doesn't just remember the events that happened that night but also the overwhelming feelings she felt. As she walked, Eli couldn't help but remember that day in her mind...

* * *

 _Year 18XX_

* * *

 _It was winter and there was a heavy snow in their country. Earlier that day, Nozomi and her parents were in her home to discuss wedding plans with Eli's parents while they spent time with one another. They've been affianced for months so it wasn't uncommon to see them together whenever Nozomi and her parents visited. Unfortunately, the snow turned into a complete blizzard as night fell, leaving Nozomi and her family no choice but to stay the night in Eli's home. Everyone had turned in for the night, hoping for a light snowfall by the time morning comes. Just as the blonde was about to fall asleep, however, she heard a knock on the door. Eli immediately got up and opened it, thinking that it would be rude to keep whoever it was waiting. Much to her surprise, it was Nozomi who was on the other side, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm._

" _Nozomi, hello…what brings you by?" She gently asked the girl._

" _Good Evening, Eli. It's…rather cold out…and in my room. I was…wondering if I could stay here…with you." The purple haired lady shyly asked her. Eli's heart thumped loudly in her ears as she realized what she was asking. On one hand, it would seem indecent in the eyes of society. On the other…she IS her fiancée so…what could possibly be the harm in letting her stay with her for the night? She could always just reason that she was acting like a good fiancée._

" _Of course you can stay with me." Eli gently said with a gentle and affectionate look in her eyes that no doubt made her love feel safe and secure. The pair entered the room once again and settled back into bed, the large mattress being more than able to comfortably accommodate them both. Eli shifted in her position until she wound up facing her betrothed. It turns out that Nozomi was facing in her direction as well, her emerald green eyes shining in the dark._

" _Are you comfortable?" The blonde asked as she pulled her blanket further up to keep Nozomi warm._

" _Yes. Thank you for letting me stay here." She said with a smile._

" _Anything for you." Eli blurted out without a second thought, causing the purple haired lady to blush._

" _Are you sure you're alright with our…arrangement?" Nozomi asked her in worry. Though they've been betrothed for months and were getting along well enough for them to determine that neither would have any problem with the prospect of spending the rest of their lives together, Eli knew that Nozomi still worried. Worried about disappointing both their parents. Worried about not being enough for her. Worried that she may make Eli's life miserable in the future. It was a bit disheartening to see but she vowed that she would do anything to stop her from feeling that way._

" _Of course I am. I can't…imagine spending the rest of my life with someone else." She responded with such resolution. Their hands intertwined as they shared a quiet and intimate moment, lost in each others' eyes as the blizzard went on and the entire household was asleep. It was like it was just the two of them in the world. And Eli wouldn't trade this moment for anything._

" _I love you."_

 _Nozomi's eyes widened in surprised at her sudden declaration but at the same time, Eli can see the tears in her eyes._

" _And I love you as well, Eli." She said with a smile as her tears finally escaped her eyes. The moment she said those words, Eli felt as if she could take on anything. If Death himself tried to take her now, she would fight him off until he realizes that she still has to live. She would fight off Death if it meant she would get to stay with Nozomi and make her the happiest woman in the world. The blonde woman propped herself up on her hands, trapping her love beneath her and using one hand to cup her cheek before she leaned down…_

 _That was also the night they shared their first kiss…_

* * *

"Huh…make her the happiest woman in the world. All you did was make her miserable." She muttered to herself in a bitter manner as she stopped walking. When Eli finally broke from her musings, she realized just now that she managed to walk herself to Kanda Myojin. In a daze, no less. That's gotta be a new record for her. The blonde Russian saw two people walking down the steps and she immediately hid herself when she realized who they were.

Toudou Erena and Yuuki Anju.

Truth be told, she had no quarrel or problems with the two A-RISE members or A-RISE in general. It's just…seeing Erena brings back bad memories of her first life. Bad memories and an immense amount of guilt.

The reason? It's because Erena was the woman she was having an affair with in her first life. It wasn't even something she meant to happen. But then again, that's what all cheating bastards say, right? ' _I didn't mean for it to happen.'_ She was just someone she met on a business errand for her father in another country. She liked to justify to herself the reason she did what she did back then was because Erena reminded her so much of Nozomi, whom she was missing at the time. Eli made the mistake of having a one night stand with her…only for Erena conduct a month long business where Eli lived. After that, Eli's life went to hell in a hand basket. Solely because she was stupid enough to not resist Erena's appeal.

When Eli met Erena's current incarnation in UTX Academy, she was nervous, angry but most of all, she just wanted absolutely nothing to do with Erena out of fear that history would repeat itself, even if she doesn't remember her first life. Luckily, Eli was an expert at hiding her real feelings and so she acted polite to her. However, she was also happy for Erena; the purple haired UTX student was clearly enjoying a loving relationship with Yuuki Anju, so Eli doesn't have to necessarily worry about her. When the pair was away without even noticing her, Eli headed upstairs to the shrine itself, deciding to maybe pray to the gods for…something…anything that could help, really. Just as she reached the top, however, she immediately stopped in her tracks.

Nozomi was standing there in street clothes, praying at the shrine. Clearly, she was just finishing her maiden duties. Before Eli could run away, however, she turned around and their eyes met. Left with no other choice, the blonde approached her.

"Hi, Elicchi." She said with a smile. However, Eli can see that her smile was painfully faked. Unlike the flawless fake ones she usually uses when she has a problem.

"Hey." The blonde greeted. An awkward silence enveloped them; something that hasn't happened since they were first years just getting to know each other. Eli decided to speak up to break the awkwardness.

"Listen…about earlier…I-"

"Is it true?" Nozomi asked her as her gaze went to the stone floor of the shrine. "Is it true that…you're not in love with me?"

There it is; the huge elephant in the shrine. Eli was once again conflicted with herself; deny what she said earlier and admit that she loves Nozomi more than anything in the world or break her heart now and save her life. Before she can answer, she felt a hand cup her cheek. When she looked up, she could've sworn she was about to have a heart attack…

Nozomi was suddenly kissing her on the lips.

Unable to help herself and realizing that this may very well be the last time she could feel this, Eli pulled her closer and kissed her back with all the love and passion she could muster. Eventually, they pulled away from one another and Eli realized just now what this meant. And so, she knows what must be done.

"I…I can't…I'm sorry, Nozomi." She said as she inched away from her and tears fell freely from her eyes. It broke her heart to see Nozomi rooted to where she was standing, crying her eyes out at the rejection Eli was giving her.

"I'm so sorry." Eli repeated before she finally ran off, leaving the purple haired shrine maiden standing there. Once she was able to reach a good distance away, Eli stopped. She was at a playground in a residential area. The blonde haired girl staggered towards a swing and basically collapsed there before she finally allowed herself to cry her eyes out.

Her heart has never felt so shattered before compared to how shattered it is now…

* * *

 **AN: And that's it for this chapter. A little IMPORTANT side note, in regards to the flashback sequence, you'll noticed that I called their past lives by the names of Eli and Nozomi. Now I'm not saying this was also their names in that life, in fact, I'm leaving all that to you; whatever their names may have been back then, I'll leave that to your imagination. I just used the names "Eli" and "Nozomi" to make things easier for me.**

 **Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this. Thanks for reading. See y'all in the next chapter! Firework out! :D**


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